As long as you live
by Lilamedusa
Summary: I'm not human. I'm Kikyou… and Inuyasha… I will kill you. One-shot.


Random oneshot that came to my head while I was rereading Inuyasha.

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Disclaimer: I don't own. Happy?

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You've deceived me. You lied to me. I trusted in you… you, you told me I could. So I did. Was everything a lie Inuyasha? Just a lie? 'We'll live together' you said. You said so many things, so many lies, and I believed them all. Like a fool. Like a common fool. Like an ordinary, non-special, weak, flawed… human. A woman human. That's what I am. A human. At least, at the end, I acted like a woman, like nothing special. Just Kikyou. Who would have guessed Inuyasha, that the real Kikyou, the human Kikyou, without the spiritual powers, the cold attitude and the unsmiling lips is just a fool? Only you…

"You won't avoid this one" I say.

Were you that strong Inuyasha? Way back then, or were you just pretending not being able to evade my arrows? Were you really weak, or were you deceiving me? You're mumbling_ my_ name. How _dare _you Inuyasha, after all you've done, how dare you say my name? Yeah… you're right. I do not hate you. I detest you. I detest you for everything. For your smiles, for your laugh, for your words and for your long silver hair. I detest your lips, your soft cheeks and your rough hands. That's it. I detest you.

And the sword… where did you get that from? I don't know that sword. I don't know that face. Or that feeling in your eyes. I thought… I thought it was love. I thought you loved me. I thought I loved you. I was wrong. I was wrong. You didn't… you didn't love me. So, why Inuyasha, Why do I love _you_?

"What are _you _doing Inuyasha?!" Why are you touching me? Why are your hand so rough? Why can't you be more gentle? Why can't you just kiss me and stop making me suffer? Tell me I was wrong, tell me I'm blind, explain it to me, and show me I am wrong. Even if I'm not.

"Shut up" you say.

And it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to see you _demanding _ me to shut up, after so many years. It kills me because it took you so long. Why are you _now_ telling me to shut up. When I've been shooting at you, when I've… when I've…

"It's not like I'm trying to get you to like me after all that's happened, but…" But what? Why is it that you don't want me to like you anymore? I'm not useful now? Is that it? You have the jewel, of course you don't need me…

"There's no way I'm gonna let you kill me when I haven't done anything!" _Anything? _

"Haven't done anything…?" That's all you have to say? You broke my heart. You lied to me. You ruined my life. You killed me in so many ways there's no way to tell them all… anything you say?

"Don't play innocent… that was you" I say. Want me to refreshen my memory Inuyasha? Don't you remember? "You were the one whose claws tore into me!" Ripped my body, my mind, my soul apart… "You snatched away the Shikon no tama…" my heart, my dreams, my illusions, my future, my life… "You deceived me…"

_You broke me…_

"_Me Human?" You said, a frown on your face, but you looked interested, amused._

_I wasn't surprised. I knew you. I thought I did. _

"_You can, you see… as you're half human already." I answered. You face was priceless. "If a wicked youkai" like youself "were to get their hands in the Shikon no tama, their demonic powers would continue to increase… and the jewel would never disappear… however… If you used it for the sake of becoming human… it would purify the Shikon no tama and the jewel would likely vanish."_

"_Kikyou… what'll become of you?" you asked, and you looked concerned. _

_It was like… it was like you _cared_. _

"_I am the one who protects the jewel. If it were to disappear…I could become an ordinary woman."_

_Which was already true. I was already ordinary. A fool, a hopeless fool. A hopeless woman fool. _

"At that time… you said you'd become human… wou would be human… and we would live together…" I say, because you said, you swore, you smiled, you promised.

"I was serious!"

Liar!

"Don't say it" Don't you dare to lie again… don't you dare… "I was a damn fool!" And an idiot, a self misleading fool … "For just a moment, I'd thought I wanted to be with you!"

"Cut it out!"

"_Inu… yasha…"_

"You see, Kikyou…" I don't. I don't see, because I'm a fool, and all I can feel is your arms, your warmth… the one I don't have… "You've had a heartbreaking experience too…"

Too?

"Because you're a human woman…" and a very stupid one… that can't think when you're around "…You had been far more… heartbroken than I, you see…"

"Inuyasha…"

I wish that was enough. I wish… I wish that being by your side could be enough. But it's not. Being with you isn't enough anymore, will never be. How can I be like this, feel your sweet and warm embrace, and hear your lies? I cannot, because I'm not just a woman. I'm not a human woman. I'm a miko.

Kikyou. I'm the miko, Kikyou.

"Let go Inuyasha… It's too late"

"Kikyou…"

"I detested you, at the moment of my death…" I _detest_ you… "My soul cannot move beyond that… As long as you live…" as long as I'm dead… "I cannot rest!"

"Break it!"

"it's no use… Unless my hatred disappear, my soul won't return to that body either…" as long as you live Inuyasha… "Inuyasha… only your death will…"

Only your death Inuyasha… I was a human… I was a fool. But I'm not a human anymore… So she… whoever she is… she won't drag me with her. Because I'm not her. I'm not human, I'm Kikyou… and… Inuyasha… I _will _kill you.

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Thanks for reading.

Lilamedusa


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